If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
