I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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