hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
