You made me cry and you don't even care
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
