id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He better not be in your backpack
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
