I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
