My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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