Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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