I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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