the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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