and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
