The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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