I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
