Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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