I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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