he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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