I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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