I wish I only lived at night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
