I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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