Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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