Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
