He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
