Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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