I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone shattered a urinal.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
