if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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