Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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