I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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