I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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