I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
