Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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