Who wears a wallet chain?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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