Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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