I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Four minutes until I can fart!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
