The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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