drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Randomize
