I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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