? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
