this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
