This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
