I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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