i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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