just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
