if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
