Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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