if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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