I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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