she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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