I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
