Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
