She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
